Know your Mare
by Overlord-Flinx
Summary: A 'Know your Star' story; only with your favourite ponies getting unneeded hastle and lies told about them. Won't this be fun? Probably not... But hey, everything can't be seriousness all the time, so let's take a load off and just pester some ponies, and Spike for good measure.
1. Twilight Sparkle

**Why did I do this? Perhaps I'll never know. The idea came to me around midnight when I was watching 'All That'... was this a good idea? Probably not. Has it been done? Most definitely. Am I proud I did it? We'll see.**

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><p><strong>Know your mare, know your mare, know your mare…<strong>

The purple pony in the center of the dark room smiled a little as the male voice echoed through the area around her.

**Twilight Sparkle…**

…**is a conspiracy nut…**

"Conspiracy nut? Not at all. I will admit that prier to Nightmare Moon's release I was rather hung up on her possibility. But I was proven _right_ so…"

**Twilight Sparkle…**

…**never passed Magic Kindergarten…**

"I-I did! Honest. I could go get my certificate… It's hung over my bed in a frame."

**Twilight Sparkle…**

…**takes gems from Spike while he's sleeping…**

"I would never—"

…**Then puts his hand in a bowl of water…**

"Why would I—"

…**Then calls him a bed wetter the next day…**

"Lies! These are nothing but lies!"

**Twilight Sparkle…**

…**thinks this is a conspiracy to make her look bad…**

"Well, now that you mention it…"

**Twilight Sparkle…**

…**Just conformed she's a conspiracy nut…**

"I am not a conspiracy nut! And I don't do any of those things."

**Now you know…**

…**Twilight Sparkle…**

"I can't say that they do."

**I can. Because I'm a disembodied voice…**

"I'm out of here… I am going to send a strongly written report to Princess Celestia the moment I'm out of here about how twisted this show is…" stomping out of the single light, Twilight faded away before being followed by a loud door slam.

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><p><strong>Bad? Maybe. Entertaining? You tell me. Am I asking too many questions to my audience if I even have one? I think I am. True, this doesn't take much talent and may be a waste of time. But, when I'm not working on actually well written and thought out work, I like making something that just makes people smile. Did it work is what I wonder now.<strong>

**If you actually DID enjoy the story, then by all means suggest who you want next. I plan to do them all, some even twice or more, but order really matters little to me. I'm here to make you smile, as well as myself.**


	2. Trixie

******Time for a great and powerful episode! Not really though... but you should still be entertained.**

* * *

><p><strong>Know your mare, know your mare, know your mare…<strong>

The star designed purple wizard hat upon the mare's head dipped a little as she smirked proudly.

**Trixie—**

"The _Great_ and _powerful _Trixie, if you'd please."

**The Great and Powerful Trixie...**

…**hates her mane…**

"Hat my mane? Absurd! Who could _possibly _hate such a luxurious and magnificent silver mane like my own?"

**The Great and Powerful Trixie…**

…**Is homeless…**

"I'm not—Well… I _wasn't _until recent events. But I could have another one built in no time."

**The Great and Powerful Trixie…**

…**Can't afford to bathe…**

"What makes you say that? Do I smell? I bathe regularly! I assure you!"

**The Great and Powerful Trixie…**

…**does favors for Twilight Sparkle for food…**

"Not in a million years! I'd rather be stripped of my magic and eat dirt then take one knee to that upstart!"

**The Great and Powerful Trixie…**

…**traded her powers to Twilight for a sandwich…**

"Where are you hearing these lies? The Great and Powerful Trixie demands names!"

**The Meek and Powerless Trixie…**

"_What did you call me?_"

…**she robs tip jars…**

"Once! I took it once! The service was far from befitting my magnificent presence. They owed me that tip for the poor service!"

**Now you know…**

…**Trixie…**

"They don't! They think I'm a poor beggar with ratty hair because of you!"

**Dial the number below and help this mare get off the streets… and off Twilight Sparkle's lawn…**

"The Great and Powerful Trixie is never on any of these things! I'm not poor, _I'm not poor_!" the blue mare shouted with a slight whine as the light showing her faded to black.

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><p><strong>Tell a friend, pass the word, and leave a review.<strong>

**Want another pony or character? Tell me who you want.**


	3. Applejack

**Moving onto the next one. It's the most honest, trustworthy, hard working apple bucker in the world.**

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><p><strong>Know your mare, know your mare, know your mare…<strong>

The blond mane pony adjusted her hat with a hearty smile while waiting in the single spot light lit room.

**Applejack…**

…**is a cheater…**

"A cheat? Me? Well that there's just pony feathers. I never cheated in ma' life."

**Applejack…**

…**is an artist…**

"Well now, that's mighty kind of ya' ta' say; but I can't agree with that. I'm not much for—"

…**A con-artist…**

"Listen here buddy-boy, I ain't no flimflamming Flim or Flam, no sir! I work a good, honest business at Sweet Apple Acers."

**Applejack…**

…**bribed Flim and Flam to ruin their cider…**

"That's underhanded! They lost 'cause they got reckless and too full on themselves."

**Applejack…**

…**endorses slavery…**

"Will ya' stop that? Yer' spoutin' nothin' but lies! I've never put other ponies in slavery!"

**Applejack…**

…**puts ponies before all other species…**

"Now that ain't fair. I give cattle, sheep, even pigs a place ta' live!"

**Applejack…**

…**keeps all the money her family makes for herself…**

"Steal from ma' family? _Steal from ma' family? _I'd sooner eat ma' own hat then cheat the family!"

**Now you know…**

…**Applejack…**

"Consarnit! Yer' not even listening!" throwing her hat to the floor, Applejack stormed off into the dark, cursing the lies she was forced to hear.

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><p><strong>Now we move on to the next one. Who's it going to be? We'll see.<strong>


	4. Fluttershy

**Better brace myself. It's now time for the cute, demure, and animal-loving pegasus we all know and love... Don't hit me.**

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><p><strong>Know your mare, know your mare, know your mare…<strong>

The single pony with her yellow coat curled up a little worried as the voice came echoing off.

**Fluttershy…**

…**has romantic feelings for Rainbow Dash…**

"Oh my, no. She's a—And I'm a—So I—eep…"

**Fluttershy…**

…**runs a smuggling ring…**

"A smuggling ring? That sounds just awful. Why would I be a part of that?"

**Fluttershy…**

…**abducts animals for trafficking her smuggling…**

"Animal abuse? That's just horrible! Oh, the poor bunnies, and kitties, and— Oh, I can't bare to think about that."

**Fluttershy…**

…**cheated her family for the deed to her cottage…**

"I would never! They gave it to me because they thought I was responsible; and so my animals wouldn't make a mess of their home."

**Fluttershy…**

…**puts animals before family…**

"That's not what I meant. Please stop telling lies about me?"

**Fluttershy…**

…**bribes Rainbow Dash with Wonderbolt Tickets so she'll be her friend…**

"That's heartless! We're friends. We don't need to buy each other's affection."

**Fluttershy…**

…**just said she and Rainbow Dash are in love…**

"Wah. Please stop being so mean!"

**Now you know…**

…**Fluttershy…**

"You are so mean," with a whimper, Fluttershy bolted out from under the light and into the darkness.

…**Well now I feel bad…**

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><p><strong>I had A LOT worse things I wanted to say... But I just couldn't bring myself to do it.<strong>


	5. Princess Celestia

**What? Did you think I was going to go in order? Not this time. It's time for our powerful, beautiful, and majestic Sun Princess.**

* * *

><p><strong>Know your mare, know your mare, know your mare…<strong>

Regally the pure white mare stood with her rainbow-hue mane drifting along her back as she formed a smile at the start of the words.

**Princess Celestia…**

…**She's old…**

"Well, that goes without saying."

…**and it shows…**

"Are you implying I look elderly? I assure you I most certainly don't… I at least think not."

**Princess Celestia…**

…**she wears a wig…**

"That's most certainly untrue; I'd like you to know. My sister and I both are gifted with magnificent manes. Please keep your statements to facts."

**Princess Celestia…**

…**she lowers the sun when she doesn't want to work…**

"I can't say I've ever done that… more then once, heh heh."

**Princess Celestia…**

…**has a Royal Nose picker…**

"Why would I have one of—Wait a moment… No, no. It's still untrue."

**Princess Celestia…**

…**banished her parents but keeps her title because it makes her sound younger…**

"Banishing people without warrant? Family no less? Sir, I won't stand for you smearing anymore lies on my good name."

**Now you know…**

**Princess Celestia…**

"They certainly don't. You realize I'm the princess, right? I will not standby and let you continue these lying acts," with a flex of her wings, Princess Celestia stormed off out of the light in the room.

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><p><strong>Like everyone, this isn't the last we'll see of her.<strong>

**In other news, someone brought something to my attention that sounds like a lot of fun. How would you guys like a My Little Pony interview show? You send in questions, and they answer. Sound fun?**


	6. Rarity

**Here we go again! Now it's time for the lovely, fabulous dress maker.**

* * *

><p><strong>Know your mare, know your mare, know your mare…<strong>

The white mare flipped her purple mane back with a proud smile as she batted her eyelashes in the single light above her.

**Rarity…**

…**is embarrassed of her family…**

"Well, what young filly wouldn't be a little indifferent about their family? But I do love them, really I do."

**Rarity…**

…**tells her sister not to sing…**

"Parish the thought. I love my little sister's wonderful singing. I would never tell her nor anyone to squander their talent for my own needs."

**Rarity…**

…**is jealous of her sister's singing talent…**

"I'm sorry, what? No. I am most definitely not jealous of my sister in any way. I can sing spectacularly myself, so I need not be jealous of my younger sister's talent."

**Rarity…**

…**wishes she was young like her sister…**

"Are you implying that I am old?"

**Rarity…**

…**is losing her hearing with old age…**

"How dare you! I am a beautiful and radiant young mare!"

**Now you know…**

…**Rarity…**

"What? You're ending it there? You haven't cleared up any of your lies yet!"

**Woops, I forgot to speak louder for her…**

**NOW YOU KNOW…**

…**RARITY…**

"I never!" with a huff, Rarity slipped into the darkness, nose held high and stomping all the way.

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><p><strong>Hmm... not my best work... But I still like it.<strong>

**In other news, the story "Ask the Mane Mare" is up. Go ahead and submit your questions there for Rainbow Dash and vote for who you want to question her.**

**Have fun everyone.**


	7. Princess Luna

**Don't do Luna, huh? Gonna kill me, huh? WELL BRING IT ON!**

* * *

><p><strong>Know your mare, know your mare, know your mare…<strong>

The light that usually lit the lone pony in the center stage had been greatly dimmed as light twinkles shown off from the mare's mane.

**Princess Luna…**

…**is jealous of her sister…**

"Not in the slightest. I honor my sister and aspire to be her level of harmony one day. It has nothing to do with petty emotions."

**Princess Luna…**

…**sent Gilda an invitation to Ponyville to cause trouble…**

"Who is Gilda? Never the less, I did no such thing. I would never purposely cause trouble for others."

**Princess Luna…**

…**released Discord—**

"Pardon?"

**-then helped him steal the Elements—**

"Tis' a bold-faced—"

**-then hold him their weaknesses…**

"Blasphemy! This is outright treason!"

**Princess Luna…**

…**plans to overthrow her sister…**

"Overthrow my—we share equal power!"

**Princess Luna…**

…**wants all the power to herself…**

"Never! I would sooner die than plot against mine own sister!"

**Now you know…**

**Princess Luna…**

"They know only lies! I shall see you quartered for these statements. Do you hear me? Quartered!" Luna echoed her voice through the vast emptiness before ducking out into the darkness.

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><p><strong>Bring the noise!<strong>

**If not, well, hope you enjoyed.**


	8. Spike

**Know your mare, know your mare, know your mare…**

For once, a pony was not in the spotlight. Instead, a small dragon with green spines running down his back stood there with a cool smile.

**Spike…**

…**plays with dolls…**

"Once! Just once. Well… one day… two days at the most."

**Spike…**

…**is a closet dance star…**

"Dance star? I've got two left prints. I can't dance at all."

**Spike…**

…**cuts Rarity's hoof nails…**

"Only when she asks. I love helping her out."

**Spike…**

…**raids Rarity's garbage…**

"Who told—I mean… no I don't…"

**Spike…**

…**is a cyborg robot from the future…**

"I'm a what? How… how would I even be—That doesn't make any sense. But it is cool."

**Spike…**

…**styles Twilight's mane to look like Rarity's while she sleeps…**

"That's sick! What kind of sicko would do that!"

**And now you know…**

…**Spike…**

"What? Really? No they don't! I'm so telling Twilight about this. She'll do… something… I don't know what, but she will," Spike muttered while moving into the darkness like those before him.


	9. Rainbow Dash

**SORRY! I've been go for so long... But I'm back and fresh of mind. I'll be moving some chapters over here from FiMfiction... Comment and enjoy. And if you like my other stories, I'll be getting to them over the next month. Sorry again.**

**Anyway, ENJOY!**

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><p><strong>Know your mare, know your mare, know your mare…<br>**  
>A mare with a rainbow mane stroked it back calmly while holding a smile of confidence.<p>

**Rainbow Dash…**

**…dyes her mane…**

"You know, I hear that a lot. But no, it's totally not dyed. Just want to set the record straight."

**Rainbow Dash…**

**…likes Fluttershy…**

"Of course I do. She's an awesome girl and a great friend. Who wouldn't?"

**…really likes Fluttershy…**

"Uh, yeah? I do like Fluttershy. You just said that."

**…Really, ****_really _****likes Fluttershy…**

"Wait, wait. What are you trying to say?"

**Rainbow Dash…**

"Hey! Don't ignore me!"

**…cuts Applejack's hair to stuff her pillow…**

"Woah! Hold it right there!"

**Rainbow Dash…**

**…is a filly-fooler…**

"B-B-B—No! I-I'm not! Honest!"

**Rainbow Dash…**

**…Is embarrassed of her relationship with Fluttershy…**

"My relation—NO! I don't have that kind of relationship!"

**Now you know…**

**Rainbow Dash…**

"They don't! They do not! Buck! You're a liar!" Rainbow Dash spat out as her wings fluttered and sent her bursting into the darkness.


	10. Pinkie Pie

**Know your mare, know your mare, know your mare…**

The pink party mare shook in anticipation, failing to hold in her eager.

**Pinkamena Diane Pie…**

"Hah! It's been forever since I've been called that."

**…has a party problem…**

"Yeah, I do. But now I'm only having one party a day. All in moderation."

**Pinkamena Diane Pie…**

"You can just call me Pinkie Pie if you want. It's soooo much easier."

**…bakes other mares into cupcakes…**

"Noooo, I wouldn't say that. I just use their hair for an ingredient! I know it's so weird, but it actually holds the taste and you can hardly feel it if you don't know."

**Pinkamena Diane Pie…**

"Okie Dokie Loki, call me what you want."

**…uses her party cannon for war…**

"You're darn right I do! War on boredom! And so far –HAH HAH- it's become a war of attrition… They'll give up sooner or later."

**Pinkamena Diane Pie…**

**…is a foalnapper….**

"Yup. I steal Pumpkin and Pound away from their parents so we can have extreme baby fun! Like sky diving from Cloudsdale."

**Alright, stop it…**

"Stop what?"

**Stop agreeing with me…**

**…You're supposed to be getting angry…**

"But you've been right all this time."

**I'm making this—**

**Look…**

**…just disagree with me from here on…**

"Alrighty-tighty."

**Pinkamena Diane Pie…**

**…Hates fun…**

"Yeah, I hate fun… I much prefer a ton of fun."

**I'm out of here…**

Pinkie Pie remained seated as she heard the echoing of steps followed by a loud slamming door. "…That's all foalks!" Pinkie chirped into the darkness.


	11. Gilda

**Know your mare, know your—**

"I'm not a mare," Gilda spoke up in a sharp tone, ruffling her feathered body.

**Gilda the Griffon…**

**…Is nice…**

"Uh, thanks?"

**Gilda…**

**…is the nicest quadruped you'll ever meet…**

"Again, thanks?"

**Gilda…**

**…bakes cookies…**

"No I don't. Cookie baking's for nerds."

**Gilda…**

**…has tea parties…**

"Woah! I do not have tea parties! Only sissies and chumps do that."

**Gilda…**

**…has a playground crush on Fluttershy…**

"No feathering way! That pony is a sissy!"

**Gilda…**

**…just admitted to having tea parties with Fluttershy…**

"How?! How did I possible admit to that?"

** Don't deny it…**

**Gilda…**

**…shares homeless beans with Trixie after tea parties…**

"What's with you and the tea parties!?"

** Now you know…**

**Gilda…**

Gilda only replied with a sharp screech that shattered the bulbs above before disappearing into the sparking darkness.


End file.
